Today, I tripped over "Flying Solo", she has this column named "Coffe an Conversation" -http://www.iranian.com/main/2009/aug/coffee-and-conversation- where she publishes a sort of dramatic story. I read the issue number 4 and I liked it so much (I enjoyed her writing wholeheartedly) that I wanted to read the rest for which I went to the firt issue. After reading it and being a bit shocked by the incredible abruptness of Solo and her ironically romantic perspective on men, I had to mull over this phrase:
"You , me, all women live the romances we truly deserve. So, look in the mirror and start anew."
Peculiar is to say that I am somehow halfway between these two opposites: Mira and Solo. As an afterthought, I got to think, as many times before, about the men in my life.
I grew up surrounded by men and I learned devastating facts thanks to it. My father was, to put it kindly because as a dad he is not that bad all together, not the best example of a romantic part. My brothers are not much better than him.
I must say that I will never forget when I was entering my puberty how my older brother behaved, disclosing to me facts about the way he behaved with women to end it with a phrase of the sort "This is so you know how things are and you will not behave stupidly".
I have behaved like a total idiot more than once and, in that same fashion I have cried.
I am so particularly obsessive and giving when I really fall for someone that I wonder how much good my brother's preparations and the images from all the other men (family and friends) around me did to me.
I have trust issues... I never feel sure that I am getting all there is from men and they have a hard time because somehow with me they have to overcome two things: first, that I am not ambiguous at all (when I say no it means no and, when I say yes it means hell yes!); and second, that to be with me is like eternal counceling... I need to go over what went wrong and decipher why it went wrong and figure how not to make it that way again.
Due to the statements above I am not very popular with men. When I feel bad about something I split it out and I am very clear with what I want... men tend to have problems with that, probably because afterward they will have no excuse as to a misunderstanding.
When I think about my relationships I wonder a lot... many a time I have allow the guy to think he may use me so I can use him, with my conscience free of guilt, because I cannot deal with something real and, even less with a guy head over heels for me when I am just having fun.
I am curious to see if out there somewhere is a guy who can deal with my issues and me, while imagining me naked and putting up with my sense of romance. Is there anyone that open-minded and passionately caring?
I have to say this here. I met this guy... tall, gorgeous lips and hands, great personality, creative interests... I find him terribly cute. I cannot say I like him-like him because I have barely seen him 4 times or so but he makes me so curious. My regular me says go for it be clear about how you feel... my composed me tells me if he is as curious as you are he would be doing something, don't fret, watch, wait. I'm bad waiting I have no patience for that. I like to get my answers quite soon after the question is born. Chickening out? who, me?
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