Am I a lame blogger?

Ohhh yes. Yes, I am but anyway let's do this again.
Now, writing, I have the weirdest sensation of... liberation? It so happens that I have laryngitis with a complete loss of voice and I just started my new semester (is it not great?).
The strange thing is that after almost 2 days without being able to hear myself I hear everything else real loud... as if my voice all this time had been drowning the other sounds that surround me. This phenomenon made me wonder if this is like that saying goes: "you will think you are the highest dot if you never look upwards". In this state of things and after a horrible day I took my silence as an opportunity for self-reflection... not good... I found my darkest side... OK, not the darkest but pretty close.
Fortunately or unfortunately I am the kind of person who needs to ventilate certain things in order to move on... Once upon a time I was jealous of this girl who I thought had everything I wanted and oh yeah! I was a real bitch about it. Being bitchy is not bad unless you have gotten the wrong reasons... Anyhow, I had drown that feeling never discovering what was behind it until recently. My jealousy came back with a strength of untold proportions... I made myself look stupidly ridiculous when I screamed that fact with all my lungs potential but I got to grasp the reason behind so much bu**s**t: I was scared as I am now of being alone.

I like my privacy... I like my space... I like to be by myself... but there are times when I hoped there was somebody coming to my rescue and there was nobody. The first time I thought it was sad but after what I have lived the last three years... all my adventures and misadventures... I had to learn something and to get real: I do not need to be rescued.
I learned that if people is going to love me they will, no need to be pushy and no need to make an effort to seem different from how I am. Do not get me wrong... I ted to be pretty honest but sometimes I hold back because I wonder if people can handle it. Guess what... people can, you just will never know unless you try.

The last three years I went from living with my parents, screwing my university average and having a terrible emotional outbreak; to go on travels, to be engaged and living with my guy, to have my own money and live the way I decided. Now I am back... I am living with my mom again, no guy, I am back to university and I am about to get a job (if my stupid respiratory infections get away from me long enough). It seemed I was back to where I began and I was freaking out due to it but that is not true.
Now even if I can get to be an idiot once in a while I am stronger, I understand what independence means and what I want. I still have so many issues going on, with the difference that now I am able to face them.