A few hours ago I wrote an e-mail to my friend due mainly to the fact that I could not have called her... well, I could, but we would not have had a conversation; just her voice contrasted with my death end. Funny enough, she left me a note to inform me she is also having problems with her throat. Empathy? Naw.
The wonderful thing about friends, the real ones, is that they do not follow you, neither they lead you. They are plainly there, by your side, sharing whatever life throws your way. That is why friends are these strange people who have seen the worst of you and still love you, and still remember the very best of you. Friends can be a pain in the ass but they are supposed to be so... they are honest as hell and that is amazing. A blessing.
I feel like crap. I hate the sun with all my entirely weak body... I hate to be ill. To feel vulnerable is terrifying... I would rather stand at the edge of a cliff than to feel fragile but here I am. Feeling like a ruined stuff toy after accidentally falling into a washing machine. I could not sleep well either... and the lack of sleep makes me cranky (but who does not get cranky with that?). I hate my ex... why? well, because this is the moment when I would like to be cuddling in bed, hearing a good movie (when I am ill I do not watch I just listen) while hugging a warm body. That makes me remember him and I do not like it (I need to get a thermal pillow).I watched "Phoebe in wonderland" a few days ago and I remembered about a young little girl I met once who had an OCD. She was an afraid, tiny cocoon. She used to get obsessively worried about everything and everybody. I wonder if she still does that. She was tall, her skin a bit waxy... she looked as if a growth spur would take care of the extra fat around her belly and she always wore an amazed but tired expression on her eyes... I carried my image of her all through out this movie and I suddenly saw her smiling.
"- What do we know about Good Job Jenny?
- (Whispering) That she deserves a slow and painful death."
Good Job Jenny is that stupid cartoon inside the classroom holding "the rules". Oh yeah! "the rules" unbreakable, unquestionable, untouchable... leading a herd of puny screaming lambs (ok, ok, children) to live a life where you throw the stone and hide your hand if you are not happy but never dare to go against the flow.
When I took Art Lab, at school, it was wonderful. My teacher was this kinda guy who believe in anarchy but who always clarified first that anarchy was more than just lack of government. Anarchy, he told us, is a state where each individual knows what he wants and, being able to have total control over himself, do what he has to do with no one else telling him what that is.
I was all for it. I am not good working around with people staring at me so it was kinda harsh to be at the workshop with everyone else peeping or commenting on my job. One day I just sat and looked at the clear morning... My teacher came and said: "what do you think you are doing?" and I answered bluntly: "nothing". He just stared at me until I finally speak: "I do not like to work with everyone around, it is annoying so I am coming up with a plan". Suddenly he was grinning and told me: "OK, but you better hurry up and make it a damn good one" and on he went around the workshop. Next class I had design my program for the rest of the course. I was to read and observe in class and bring over what I did at home. I learned what I was supposed to and more.
This movie is about that. This movie says "jump", "do your thing! why are you waiting for someone to push you?".
I think one's mind is all there is. What lives within our head is the last frontier.
We are all an individual universe... and we posses so many fantastic ideas and thoughts that it seems almost painful not to use them.
Miss Dodger: At a certain part in your life. Probably when too much of it has gone by. You will open your eyes and see yourself for who you are. Especially for everything that made you so different from all the awful normals. And you will say to yourself, "But I am this person." And in that statement, that correction, there will be a kind of love.
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